Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
