planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I die, sorry about rent.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Text me some of your sweat
false alarm, still single
Randomize
