Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
