Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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