well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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