I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
