He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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