Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
