Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
