Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
