Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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