she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
