Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
