what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
