My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
