Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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