That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
