I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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