i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
