maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
