Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
