I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
