Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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