is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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