I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I AM VODKA MAN
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
