i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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