u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
