You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
