at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
