First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
