meet me or not, i'm out of control
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
