I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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