i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
