I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
