If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am mentally ready for anal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
