oh god the rape fog is back!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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