So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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