Someone shit on the floor
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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