It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
