Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
