I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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