She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
