I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
