i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
