it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
