Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
