so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
