i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
