so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
