i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
