i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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