we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
